THE ROLE OF WOMEN IN THE GREYHOUND INDUSTRY.

It is essential that any astute dog trainer young or old, successful or otherwise should have a "missus"

The "missus" of course will vary depending upon which stage of life you are at.

1. When you are young, handsome and fit -select an attractive young thing who is not adverse to hard work, avoid those women who wear too much make-up or paint their nails or have a preference for white clothing, these women could possibly baulk at the idea of cleaning up the emptying-out yards. The woman of your choice should be of sound physical health so she can help you trial your dogs and put them in the boxes for you in case you need to put a bet on.  A non -drinker is very important so she can drive you home from the track after you have had too many beers.

At this stage of life do not encourage your missus to have too many kids because some women get this strange idea that it is more important to feed the kids than the dogs. Not a problem when your greyhounds are winning but could prove inconvenient when they are going bad and then you may find it difficult to rake up essential beer and betting money.

If after stepping in dog poo, you wipe your feet before entering the house and buy the odd box of chocolates or a bunch of roses (only with the prize money  from your dogs not out of your secret sock where you hide the punting winnings or the betting account in Darwin) your original missus might hang around for a fair while.

Should you become bored at home and  feel like a bit on the side, do not waste your time looking in the kennel house or behind the boxes (you already have one of those) check the stands for some-one wearing too much make-up, painted nails and wearing white. Along with these characteristics a smart bloke will choose one with a bored look on her face preferably with a husband with plenty of money who might even buy you a good dog to train- then you can "kill one  bird with the two stones."

HOWEVER- if your first missus runs off with your mate (check your kennels quickly in case she has taken your good dog with her)  you must quickly replace her otherwise you will be cleaning the kennels and washing the dog rugs yourself which really cuts into drinking and punting time and of course if she has left the kids behind you may have to employ some-one to do your work and this bloke could possibly offer an opinion on how to train your dogs and worse still he might actually know more than you.

2. By this stage of life you may have to lower your standards a little (some-one a little older and fatter) but it is still very important that they  have the capacity for hard work. If they have not been involved with greyhounds before introduce them slowly, like give them a couple of cute puppies to cuddle or introduce them to one of the adorable old "broodies." Leave the ones with kennel names like "Rowdy" until later and leave the ones who are not particular about how clean their kennels are until much later into your relationship. Don't let them anywhere near randy stud dogs in case they jump all over them, similarly dogs who growl when you dare to suggest they get off their beds to be rugged, should also be avoided. 

If the new replacement potential missus has already been involved with a dog trainer you are probably wasting your time-look elsewhere.

Spend a couple of week-ends at your place cleaning the kennels yourself while she watches ( you may be in trouble if you did not watch your original missus do this job but you can always improvise.) this way your new "missus" will get the impression you are a rare find ( a man who cares about cleanliness). You can of course slacken off when she moves in with you. Phoning your owners is always a good avoidance strategy. Later on in the relationship when you have her trained (and how hard can that be you are already "The Top Dog" in your kennel block except for the occasional cocky stud dog who you have to sometimes stare down)  you can simply go to the track, drink and punt merrily with your mates and with a bit of luck have a young aspiring dog trainer lad to put your dogs in the boxes for you. Tread warily with  young, aspiring female dog trainers, people might gossip, even though deep down they are aware that you are past it, you don't want your missus hearing anything that might stop her having dinner ready when you get home.

3. After your second missus leaves and you are much older and fatter you might feel a bit desperate, but don't despair, you can always find a replacement. If you are the worse for wear after years of drinking and your funds are depleted from gambling sometimes an older widowed or divorced sister can give you a bit of a hand, and you don't have to buy them any roses or chocolates and the best part is they are not the slightest bit interested in going out on dates with blokes, the track's fine for their entertainment.

4. Once time has taken it's toll and if you are one of the small percentage of men who have made money from greyhounds and punting (these men meet once a year in a phone box by the Wentworth Park Greyhound Track) and you have kept yourself in reasonable condition and you are a smooth talker you could pay a pretty young thing to put your dogs in the boxes for you and watch from the stands. 

5. If you are a really smart bloke and know how to pick a good dog and a good broodie, you will be sitting in the stands with your original missus who will still look pretty cause your eyes are not what they used to be, watching your son put your good dog in the boxes and your son of course will be married to an attractive young thing with all the qualities in point 1 above, as well as having a steady job eg. like teaching, for when his dogs are not going good. 

THIS OF COURSE IS ALL FICTIONAL AND NO MEN or events ever occur IN THE GREYHOUND INDUSTRY that  BEAR ANY RESEMBLANCE TO any of the above.