 PLENTIWOOD
- stay tuned sick of those sentimental and pathetic chain letters send this one on.  LATEST STORIES FROM "THAT'S BULLSHIT" GREYHOUND KENNELS- include but are not limited to- I've really fallen on my feet - my new girlfriend bought me a farm with air conditioned kennels, so how come your fucking dogs are still on my farm arsehole? AND I don't really need to go to the track anymore because I got millions in a divorce settlement. I'm glad you found the mythical millions, for everyone's sake, I've had a hell of a lot of trouble locating them. Where were they? So how come you're still driving a second hand station wagon and towing a crappy dog trailer with a dodgy rego plate? AND I've got two farms now, so how come other people's names are on the title deeds? You have to admire him really though, a lot of blokes don't go to this much trouble to get laid and it beats the old my wife doesn't understand me a bit more inventive anyway and he'll keep sticking to those stories like greyhound shit to a rug and they'll get even better so stay tuned. A friend of mine also trying to remove a dog trainer from her life and hang on to the money his dogs DID NOT earn, told me his lawyers claimed she was trying to ruin his reputation suggesting he was no good, full of shit, not to be trusted and general all round loser who didn't want to work and I said " tell them to wake up to themselves that's industry standard, anyone who isn't; is viewed with suspicion, no-one would send an ethical, totally honest, winner type person a greyhound, those sort of people donate money to worthy causes or work voluntarily in animal welfare establishments like GAP the greyhound adoption programme, have real jobs where you work for a living, they don't train dogs." DOG TRAINERS 90% no good the rest just in there ruining everyone else's reputation. TIP OF THE WEEK - My lawyer rang me and said he was at the dogs and did I have any tips and I said "what besides gambling is stupid" "yes besides that." " I don't know who is in tonight but the best tip I can give you aside from don't bet is Brad Northfied and an inside box it doesn't get any better than that. He won't worry about knocking off his price he's a worker not a gambler. " Both dogs won and he emailed me and said "you're amazing" and I said "No I'm not he just does a good job, treats them well, feeds them good food, runs them to win not bet on them and a good bloke it's not rocket science once you get to know them all." He's one of the 10%. Punt the trainers not the dogs. Certain trainers, known for their shameless self promotion, have a reputation for being good trainers the reality is they will not train anything except a good dog. One in particular says " has this dog got a track record anywhere?, No I'm not interested then." Taking only good dogs gets you a reputation as a good trainer and then people keep sending them perpetuating your reputation and they are really the only place to send a good dog, if they run them to win fine, if they are gamblers tread warily. They will not tell you when to put your money on I can promise you. These blokes should probably be wealthy but they are not because they gamble they are of course dog trainers. Some-one once said to me at a track " you don't gamble why have you got dogs?" I said " because I like them it's as simple as that." MYSTERY RUMBLE was a bit disappointing last night but its always a bit of mystery who this trainer is rumbling with although we've narrowed it down to a relatively small field well depending upon your standards that is. |
GREYHOUNDS AS PETS. Greyhounds of course make excellent pets because they are dogs and all dogs have characteristics that have led them to share their lives with people for tens of thousands of years. Better hunters than people who could of course spot and run down prey far better than humans. Excellent hearing and sense of smell they are protectors- warning systems for danger approaching when humans were asleep. Loyal and devoted; you can be the most ordinary or most awful person on the planet but your dog loves you regardless. That kind of devotion is not easy to find amongst your fellow human beings who of course expect you to contribute, sometimes in a very big way to making their lives better. When people were forced to settle down to an agricultural system when the ice age wiped out the big game, new problems called accumulated rubbish and stores of grains eaten by rodents also occurred. Cats sorted the rodents and wolves cleaned up the scraps. Wolves of course became the dogs we know today, with of course a great deal of variety. All breeds of dogs have different temperaments and you need one to suit your lifestyle. Kelpies on a farm are very useful, in a small yard or apartment they are of course bored out of their minds and amuse themselves in ways their owners are not always pleased about. If you exercise them a lot they are fine. If you are a lazy lounge lizard or busy you need a less active breed. Greyhounds are good because they have only two speeds- flat out and flat out. They cannot go flat out for a long time and like to lie around flat out for long periods of time and are quite happy curled up on a blanket virtually anywhere. They adapt to your speed of life. They are easy going, friendly animals most of whom would never consider biting anyone. They are of course beautiful creatures who could once only be owned by the King of England and his important friends not the peasants. Despite some adoption programmes claiming they are not good watch dogs, many of them are excellent watch dogs and as territorial as most other dogs. If you want a watch dog just pick one that has that in their nature. A top dog kind of a greyhound. Most of course are no more likely to kill a cat than any other kind of dog. It is a rare dog indeed who does not enjoying chasing cats no matter what his breed. Many of course can be trained like all dogs to become cat tolerant. Some like other breeds will always want to chase cats and unlike some breeds are quick enough to catch them. When they become older of course cat killing and chasing is the stuff they can only dream about and your cat of course will figure this out and cats of course are very good at looking after themselves. So if you are looking for a companion animal, greyhounds make excellent companions with the same responsibilities of course as looking after any animal. If you want a dog and have the time to look after one properly greyhounds are an excellent choice and of course you also get a good feeling about saving a beautiful creature from being destroyed simply because he/she cannot run fast enough or cannot run fast enough anymore. The Greyhound Adoption programmes of course do an excellent job- they are sometimes criticised about too few but I think saving 800 dogs a year is very commendable. Even if they only saved a few it is a good thing. They re-educate greyhounds and thanks to a very worthy Judge can, after they have been through this programme live and go out in public without their muzzles. The greyhound adoption people will of course make sure they are healthy, suitable as pets, let you know about their particular natures and de sex them before you get them. All the people who I know who have a greyhound as a pet- either an old one or one that is too gentle and slow to tough it out on the track are very happy with their choice. |
REPRESENTATIVES FROM THE STUD DOG UNION MET TODAY to discuss the worrying trend of artificial insemination. A Journalist interviewing dogs after the meeting reported the following comments. BOND- "we became concerned when it was reported that various vets are advocating AI is the only way to go and met to discuss our future job prospects." WHERE'S PEDRO- " as one of the industry's most prominent stud dogs, I was simply appalled the other day when I went to the track for a promotion and a dog behind the boxes called out "Where's Pedros a wanker."Although a bitch standing at the kennel called out "we're with you big boy" and I felt a lot better. NOBODY'S FOOL representing the semi retired stud dog union said " I really don't know what the fuss is about. I always said to Neville, don't worry about those invoices, I'm happy to do it for free." EXCITE ABILITY said "I told the boys as soon as they lay a hand on the jewels, turn on em, nothing surprises an unsuspecting vet as an aggressive greyhound." BRUMBY LAD said he was deeply disappointed at this worrying trend and that SAINTLY CREW would be turning in his grave at the thought of not meeting bitches, not that he ever actually introduced himself politely to any of them.  |
THE THEORY IS THAT HUMANS DOMESTICATED DOGS. A very clever teacher who I worked with said he had heard me explaining that people domesticated dogs( to my Biology class). He said you know that is not true- they canined us. Like where are your dogs now, home under the air conditioner while you sweat it out in a room with no air conditioning with a heap of kids so you can pay the electricity bill for them to be cool and then when you get home you will feed them with food you have paid for with your labours and then they will look over at a poo and suggest to you that you might like to clean up after them. Dogs and people have what is called a symbiotic relationship, a relationship where both organisms benefit. There are no human cultures where dogs are not found. Even in cultures where they are not respected and in some cases despised- they are there anyway. Some scientists believe that because Homo sapiens had dogs and the other competing people did not, that dog owning gave them an advantage.( There were of course many other factors ) Whatever they are a good idea. God spelt backwards, is that a coincidence?  |