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CAREER CHOICES-

If you do not live in the family's ancestral and stately home, with a large land holding, you will one day have to face the unpleasant fact; that you may have to work for a living.

When I was in Year 10, I told the careers advisor at school that I wanted to be a Hairdresser, he looked at me and said "I don't really think you would be suited to that."

I repeated this conversation to my Dad, that night at the dinner table.

Dad said to me "the bloke's right, hairdressing is for the beautiful girls with fabulous bodies in 10.4, probably better if you stay at school and go to university".

For those of you who do not have a great Dad like I did, I have provided some hints that may help you with your future career choices.

(My Dad is in actual fact the best bloke on the planet except that time he wouldn't let me go to the school dance and when he said of one of my boyfriends "I think there is something a bit odd about that bloke" Dad is always a man who is tactful, the boyfriend was in actual fact psychotic.).

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THAT RAILWAY FETTLERS DON'T WORK WHEN IN ACTUAL FACT THEY WORK REALLY HARD?

When the train goes past the men have to get off the track and they lean on their shovels, This of course is all the general public get to see.

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THAT COMPANY DIRECTORS DON'T WORK REALLY HARD?

Quite simply because they do not work hard. To be perfectly frank I cannot figure out what the hell it is that they could possibly do that requires a salary of 5 million dollars a year. I have asked a lot of other people and they don't know either.
Perhaps they are just an example to us all that greed of this proportion could possibly affect the world economy.

IF YOU HAVE THE FOLLOWING ATTRIBUTES	CAREER CHOICES YOU MAY BE SUITED TO.
An interest in plumbing.	An apprenticeship with a plumber if you like to work outdoors or gynaecology if you would prefer to work inside.
A love of money	medicine
A love of money but you can't stand the sight of blood	Lawyer
A love of money and a ruthlessness that would make the military ruler of a small African country blush.	Property developer, Corporate lawyer or professional hit man. Just remember though that certain crime organisations are definitely not equal opportunity employers. (neither apparently is the House of Lords).
An average IQ, but an ego the size of the known universe, an unshakeable belief in your own abilities (no matter what overwhelming evidence there is to the contrary) and a desire to win at all costs no matter what the costs are to others.	Member of the Olympic shooting or archery team or any other team that does not require cardiovascular endurance. If you are also under the age of 27 and you are good looking and would be suitable to advertise the latest sports apparel, you might like to consider professional skateboarding.
All of the above but you also have a low resting pulse rate, a huge lung capacity and the desire to do nothing other than run or swim for years.	Member of the Olympic swimming or marathon team.
No interest in money, but the ability to maintain mental health after being abused by six parents in a row.	School Principal.
A love of animals and a love of money.	Vet.
A love of animals with not much interest in money.	Vet Nurse.
A love of animals with no interest in money whatsoever	Volunteer worker at the RSPCA.
A genuine capacity to help others and are willing to give no matter it costs.	Nurse. The added advantage of this career is that you get to meet men when they are vulnerable and sometimes they will fall in love with you .Don't however give up your career if you marry one because one day you might you might have to go back.
A morbid fascination with the depraved and a love of the CI channel.	Just too many possibilities to name.
A high IQ, an interest in Science but totally lacking in interpersonal skills.	You might like to consider Morgue attendant, Medical Examiner.
A high IQ, an interest in Science but totally lacking in interpersonal skills and you are allergic to Formalin.	Anything that relates to inquests.
An average IQ, but an ego the size of the known universe, an unshakeable belief in your own abilities (no matter what overwhelming evidence there is to the contrary) and a desire to win at all costs no matter what the costs are to others. Enjoy first class travel and dining at the taxpayers expense- BUT WITH NO ATHLETIC ABILITY WHAT SO EVER.	Member of any Olympic Committee.
If you missed out on a Hairdressing apprenticeship and you are truly stunningly beautiful (IQ irrelevant).	Hostess for important skateboarding events.

WHY I LIKE TEACHING
You get to spend time with kids that some-one else has already put all their time, money and emotions into and you have never once had to get up in the middle of the night to change a nappy, yourself.
After you wave to the last one, as the school bus pulls out, you can then simply go home watch the ABC on telly and know without having to hear the word "whatever" once, you can return to your place of work the following morning to a bunch of kids who will bring you much laughter, immense joy and keep your mind kind of operational. Combined of course- with excellent holidays and an employer who provides good working conditions; especially when you compare it to a real job like working in a chicken factory, being a Police diver and looking after the sick, the mentally ill and aged (and I mean that comment sincerely.)

Any-one with a job, no matter how lowly it may seem, always makes a better tenant than some-one who thinks the world, the ex, or the government owes them a living.
Because people who are prepared to do something that is not pleasant and not well paid ( often because they have no other choice of occupation) - has a bit of pride, a sense of responsibility, willing to have a go and they always pay their rent on time.

I can also assure you that no young person ever leaves school with the ambition to never work. What happens is that after dozens of failed applications, sometimes nobody even has the courtesy to tell you that you did not get the job, the odd humiliation at the CES by some condescending shit , being duped by some ad in a paper that is not about work but just about taking your money and as your self esteem slowly plummets you read comments in the press about bludging- made by Journalists who are currently writing their thoughts about " people like you" on a drink coaster, in a pub with a beer and a counter lunch, at their employer's expense. What happens is that after a couple of years of this, any sane and rational person just simply gives up.