Ever wondered why despite the
fact that there are thousands of plants on the planet only a few are edible, the rest are poisonous and we all know the difference. We can thank a group of people called "Mad Bastards" for this. Originally when people appeared on the planet they would not have known if a plant was poisonous. POSSIBLE SCENARIO. Sane person to Chief- "do you think that plant will kill us if we eat it? Chief (in charge cause they're smart or cunning)" I don't know, we will get some mad bastard to give it a go. Chief to the rest of the tribe "no, don't eat that one, it killed some mad bastard who gave it a go." OR "that one's fine." SIMILARLY " Do you think that large cat like creature with nine inch fangs is dangerous?' "We'll get some mad bastard to run our there and find out" "YES, they are dangerous." |
 The
dog of choice for mad bastards is of course the cattle dog. German
shephards and dobermans are a little bit over the top. Being seen with a
poodle will do nothing for your street cred and if seen in the company
of a king charles cavalier expect your membership form for next year's
subscription to mad bastards inc. not to arrive in the mail.OCCUPATIONS SUITABLE FOR MAD BASTARDS. 1. Being a Viking. 2. Fighting a Viking to protect your Land. 3. Person who returned to the King, after battle to say "we lost Sire." 4. Food taster for the King (to see if his enemies had poisoned it) 5. Rodeo rider. 6. Rigger. 7. Alligator catcher. 8. Police rescuers. 9. Fireman. 10. Race car driver. SO IT'S HATS OFF TO A GROUP OF PEOPLE CALLED MAD BASTARDS THAT MAKE THE PLANET SAFER FOR US ALL. It is interesting to note that very few women choose any of the occupations above, and that is because we are too smart and that's what the menfolk are for anyway. They are the mad bastards it's our job to look after the kids. Nature of course is not concerned with individual survival, that's up to you, nature is only concerned with survival of the species and everyone has a role to play; yours was determined at the moment of conception- make the most of it before you go, you never know next time round you might get to be an arsehole. |
| DON'T
BELIEVE EVERYTHING (OR ACTUALLY IT WOULD BE BEST IN YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE A
THING) THAT YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPERS. Why do we have newspapers? So a small group of people on the planet can become immensely wealthy. Stories are written to sell papers and so all the "nice" people can read about what the Black Knights are doing (see Black Knights and the Hounds from Hell). A rather appalling example of the damage the press can do involved an incident which implied some-one had deliberately been cruel by abandoning a greyhound in a car ) I am sure if it had been a poodle the hype would have been less. The real reality of course is somewhat different. The person involved is actually a kind and gentle soul who tortured by depression and anxiety drank too much one night. (Hands up if you have never used alcohol to fight a few demons of your own) The dog was not abandoned, the man could not remember where he had left the car (hands up if you have ever forgotten where your car is) I personally can't remember where I left mine in the car park at Coles when I am sober. Instead of quietly putting the dog to sleep, he wore a campaign of character assassination and week-end detention while people valiantly tried to save Rocco) How do I know this; because I have seen this man on many occasions with his greyhounds and I can assure you he loves them and if you had seen him looking after Rocco as a little pup you would know too). HATS OFF TO THE POLICE THOUGH WHO WENT TO NO END OF TROUBLE to save the dog, (girlfriend told me this particular station helped her once and even better there were a few very tasty specimens amongst them.) and of course a great effort to the vet (as long as no account was sent). |
 ANOTHER GROUP OF PEOPLE ON THE
PLANET ARE CALLED ARSEHOLES AND I HAVE YET TO ASCERTAIN THEIR VALUE
OTHER THAN TO MAKE THE REST OF US FEEL BETTER ABOUT OURSELVES.Arseholes, however, are very cunning (they believe they are clever) but as my friend Dave always says "self delusion is the last bastion of sanity" so we will let them continue to delude themselves. Valuable lessons I have learnt from arseholes. 1. You and your mates would like to rear a litter of greyhound pups but can't afford to pay. Simply ring up an interstate rearer who doesn't know you and send them down. Refuse to pay the bill or remove the dogs and when you owe thousands of dollars, one of you can ring up the struggling rearer and offer to "take them off their hands." Neat eh? Then of course you get out of the bill by claiming the dogs had not been looked after properly or they had fleas. Clever isn't it.? Fortunately these arseholes only make up a small percentage of the greyhound industry. 2. Worried about how many points you have left on your licence. Easy, just drive a car registered under some-one else's name and drive without caution. Take the bill out of the letter box before they see it, pay on the internet and by the time the other person finds out it is too late because you are protected by section 28 of the State Penalties Enforcement Act 1999. Good trick eh? How do I know this, because some arsehole did it to me. So you can forget about the political rhetoric about "we want the real driver" sorry they just want the money. |